Emotional Distance Overload - Why We Have This Fear Of Intimacy And How To Reject it
Is an emotional distance overload holding you back? For a lot of people this fear of intimacy is their number 1 relationship killer!
This is a shame because we are supposed to replenish ourselves from our relationships, as opposed to seeking emotional distance all the time!
So what's going on? First we need to understand what fear is. Fear is a psychological defense mechanism that our body uses to protect us.
Have you ever looked down from a cliff? I have, and it's spooky! Well, our body gets us scared so that we don't anything stupid (like jumping off!)
Fear of Intimacy is There to Protect You!
The fear of intimacy is a defense mechanism that we developed as children to protect our emotions and our egos.
Sure, emotional distance keeps us from getting hurt (such as having a fear of women) but at the same time we never get to enjoy our emotions to the fullest with the people we care about the most.
Start Feeling the Fear and Doing it Anyway!
Are you ready to enjoy the flow of emotions that come with a relationship? Well, start accepting that closing the emotional distance brings helpful and harmful emotions that you must start getting comfortable with.
It's time for you to be okay with intimacy and understanding that at first, it might sting like a mosquito bite! On the other hand, many good things will happen too!
I know because I used to maintain emotional distance all the time to both protect myself and my ego (I had a fear of women too!) :(
After swallowing my pride (which was hard for me) I had to do one of the hardest things a person can do!
Be open With Yourself First and Let Others be Intimate With You!
I had to be open with myself! I bridge the emotional distance within myself, and accept my own feelings about everything! I had to stop judging myself and instead start accepting who I was.
For most people, accepting their shortcomings is the hardest step. I still deal with it (I get jealous and tenacious too easily in my relationships) but now I let it fuel me to improve, rather than use it to judge myself.
If you're in the same boat, I recommend telling someone and start being okay with yourself. The purpose of telling someone is to start telling people you trust (and yourself) about your shortcomings, so that you will accept them.
Accept the Fear of Intimacy One Step at a Time!
Take a few intimate steps in each interaction. How? Start with talking about your feelings with both your partner AND yourself.
Be okay and understanding about your own shortcomings and take care of the things you are genuinely not happy about.
Be okay about your deepest thoughts and desires with yourself, and you will then be okay about sharing them with others, and also letting others share theirs with you.
You will be among the few people who don't judge others, but who accepts them for who they are. This will open doors for you.
Choose Who You're Being Intimate With and How Deep!
Speak intimately with people you trust. Can you genuinely trust your partner? If you can, then take small steps towards being more intimate. It will bring you closer and it will strengthen the relationship.
If not then be careful and see if he/she is the right partner/friend for you. Start being picky about who you bring into your life.
After all, you do become who you spend time with. Make sure you're surrounded by people you admire and respect and who respect and admire you.
Accept the Fear of Intimacy Now, and Do it Anyway!
Again, this fear exists to protect you (like a worrying mother) when you were first starting out with relationships with people. Now, I'm telling you that you are ready to be intimate with people.
Thank your imaginary mother (it's okay I have one too!) ;-), and now go have fun and build more intimate relationships with others and especially yourself!
